Day 7- One whole week straight of blogging!! Woo hoo!! I have to say...I like this a lot more than I thought I would!
Unit now. Today I have to write about what I'm afraid of!!!
I'm not afraid of anything!!!
Yeah...that would be true...if this were opposite day.
I am kind of a fraidy cat. And by kind of, I mean DEFINITELY.
I'm afraid of bugs. SOOOOOO afraid of bugs. All bugs. Spiders, beetles, ones that fly. GROSS.
I'm also afraid of doing anything remotely dangerous...such activities may include swinging too high on a swing, riding in go carts over 10mph, or doing a cartwheel.
I want to be brave! I do!! It's something I'm working on....trying new things all the time!!! Someone had a pet snake and I HELD it. It doesn't matter that it was the tiniest gardener snake I've ever seen. I had a SNAKE IN my hands. That's progress!
What I am most afraid of is losing the people that I love. Ever since I was a child there have been times when I've been GRIPPED with fear of losing people I love.
I know this is a universal fear for most people. I have intense anxiety about it sometimes and I just don't know how to get past it!
Three years ago, my family went through an extremely trying time. We lost my maternal grandfather, a month later we lost my uncle on my dad's side, and at the same time my paternal grandfather suffered a terrible fall from which he passed away three months later. Looking back, I feel like I was so detached from everything else in the world at that time, except my family. Which is how it should be at such a time, I suppose.
Right before all of that happened, Ryan and I started dating . I know now that God was in control of that, providing a shoulder for me to lean on at just the right time. Crazy how God works.
But it was also a very trying time for my faith. I really went through the stereotypical emotions of being angry, confused, hurt, and afraid that I would lose more people I love. Watching my family go through such a time of grief and pain was something I hope to never experience again. I prayed, I know there were so many friends praying for me as well. I just couldn't get past not being able to understand all of the loss.
I still struggle. I know that God is sovereign and I just have to let it go. It's out of my control.
I read so many stories of families losing spouses, children, siblings... and I read about how faithful they are through it all (For example, this precious and faithful family). Praising God for his provision and being thankful for all that God is doing in their life. I SEE how this is supposed to happen. I know that it's RIGHT to happen this way. Scripture tells us that ALL things work for the good of those who love the Lord, according to HIS will. (Romans 8:28)
I pray that I never have to experience that. And to be honest, I'm AFRAID to pray that I would be so faithful if I DID have to experience that. That's me being real about the fact that as Christians, we definitely still struggle with trusting God 100% of the time.
BUT what other choice do we have? There are so many things out of our control. Probably best to trust the One who IS in control, no? Easier said than done, I know.
So this post is kind of heavy, but fear is a serious thing.
Trust. I will trust.
- Brit
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