This morning I went for a run (ok, a jog/walk) in Cherokee park, which was one of my mom's favorite places. She loved to take me and my sisters there. I was there this morning, thinking about one year ago and wondering how it can feel like a thousand years ago and like it was yesterday all at the same time.
So many emotions and memories flood my mind when I think about one year ago. But what I've really been trying to focus on is a truth that God made clear to me recently: I had my mom for 27 years. Everyday for 27 years she belonged to me and my sisters. When I think of it that way, our time doesn't seem so short. When I think of all the conversations we had, the laughs we shared, the memories that we created, and even the trials that we endured together, I know that we were richly blessed with that time. It's very hard for me to accept that not all of those memories and moments with my mom are happy ones. When I'm going through the catalog of stored memories in my brain, there are some too dark to look at. But all of the days, the minutes, and the hours we shared: the good, the bad, and the ugly; they're ours. And I'm grateful for all of them.
As a way of sharing my mom's heart with others at her memorial, I read a letter that she wrote to Ryan and I on our wedding day. It is so precious to me, not only because it offers some solid marriage advice but because it truly shows her spirit and loving heart. I know there are many who I love and cherish who didn't have the opportunity to know my mom, so I'd like to share this piece of her heart with you, as well:
Dearest Brittany and Ryan,
My heart is so filled with joy at this moment. I am so proud of you both and very proud and happy to have you, Ryan, as part of our family. I think you will be a wonderful son in law and husband.
My eyes are also filled with tears as I write this and think about you, Brittany, in how you have grown into such a wonderful and beautiful woman with such a good soul and big heart. You are still and always will be my baby. I think of you as a little girl and what a joy you were and always so funny, making me laugh.
Now it's time to think about the future, and I just wanted to share some thoughts on your new life:
Always remain best friends and never forget to have fun. Don't let the stress of marriage ever pull you down by outside elements. Always communicate with each other about your day or your hopes for the future. Communicate and share in solving your problems. Never go to bed angry with each other. These are things I have learned through the years of mistakes and trial and error that I wish I could do over again.
Depend and always be willing to talk to the families if your problems become too big, even the little ones. We will always be here for you both. Take care of each other. Treat every day together as a gift from God. You are both blessed, as we all are, to have this marriage take place. So be good to each other every day of your life. Surprise each other once in a while. See and do as much as you can in this world. Try not to get into a same thing every day routine. Life is too short for that, be adventurous.
Most of all, know how loved you both are so very much. I will always be here for you both and know that this day is one of the happiest days of my life.
All my love and God's blessings,
Mom
