Mom

So, it’s been a while, huh?

It’s now 2014 and my last blog is dated June 2013.

Wow. My life has drastically changed since then and I actually just couldn't figure out how to write about it. But I miss blogging/writing so here we are.

My beautiful mother suddenly passed away August 19th this past year. It has been a really terrible, awful, and excruciating time. But it’s also been a time to lean on those that I love and lean on God.




There’s nothing else I can really say about it except that losing my mom has broken my heart into a million pieces, but God has blessed me with His grace and love as well as so many wonderful friends and family that are helping my sisters and I put the pieces back together again. When something is shattered it never quite gets put back together in the same way, it’s forever changed, but it can become whole once again.

So I’d just like to continue into 2014 by not wallowing in grief, but by sharing my mom’s heart. She had a lot of struggles: physical, mental, personal. But she never struggled to love or support my sisters and I. Never once. She was our biggest supporter in everything that we did or wanted to do. I have never, nor will I ever, doubt the love that my mother had for us.

While my mom struggled through a lot in her life she remained such a compassionate and beautiful person. She always talked about wanting to help the homeless, or take care of veterans, or help women that have been abused. While she would mention things that she desired like a new car or a mansion, the majority of her desires revolved around wanting to help others (OK, maybe her love and desire of French Vanilla Cappuccinos outweighed the helping) and that says a lot about her heart.

Everything my sisters and I did had her beaming with pride. It actually wouldn’t matter if I had completed a crossword puzzle or won the Nobel Peace Prize, mom would gush equally over our achievements. She was also our #1 supporter in all of our dreams and goals. If my sisters and I had a dream or told her that we wanted to do something, mom was the first one to back us up, ask us how our goals were coming, tell us how great we were doing, or do anything she could to help us reach our goals.

Thinking back on that day and the days leading up to her memorial, I'm flooded with so many emotions. Loss, sadness, grief, longing.....but also a heart full of those who rushed to our sides (physically as well as figuratively) and how truly blessed we are with so many that love and support us. I have some pretty special people in my life that have given me so much love, support, wisdom, prayers, encouragement through cards, flowers, phone calls, texts.....you name it, they did it. I'll never fully be able to express my gratitude for these actions, but I thank God for all of you. Truly.

I will obviously never forget losing my mom...but I'll also never forget how loved we felt during that time.

I don't understand much in this life. I don't understand why our mom only lived to the age of 51. I don't understand how I have been so abundantly blessed with so many people who love me. The only thing that I know to be true is that God is in control. He is good. He is perfect and His love endures forever. That's all I know and that's enough.